They all escaped from philosophy

A few weeks ago my friend Greg pointed out the rather unpleasant lyrical content in Busted's modern classic, Air Hostess, in which Charlie alludes to defiling with the hand while admiring a member of the flight crew. Disgusting.

Anyway, with this in mind I will now discuss a glaring logical fallacy present in another recent masterpiece, Love Machine by Girls Aloud. The chorus goes thusly:

I'm just a Love Machine

Feeding my fantasy

Give me a kiss or three & I'm fine

I need a squeeze a day

Instead of this negligee

What will the neighbours say this time?

I find myself somewhat baffled by lines 4 and 5. Why does she need a squeeze instead of a negligee? Does the wearing of a negligee preclude a person from being squeezed? Are the two mutually exclusive in some way? Perhaps I'm wrong, but I think it is physically, biologically, ecumenically, grammatically... possible to be squeezed while wearing a negligee, and while I'm certainly not the expert on ladies nightwear, I would venture that you may in fact be altogether more likely to be squeezed while wearing one.

Then again, the song does also feature the line "I'll breathe underwater 'cause I like the way it feels" so unless the singer has some peculiar fascination for SCUBA diving, I suspect it may in fact just all be a load of bollocks.