Garrulous Geek - Christianity

Keep in contact with old friends, enjoy a drink now and then.

nospam@example.com (Peter Urquhart) — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 22:25:00 +0100

Tuesday. Training. London. Deferred tax, group relief and a hideous test - 38%. Still feeling a bit sick with whatever Alison had. Take the tube at rush hour - silly mistake. Late to meet a friend. Walk into Soho, talk about work. Someone from The View outside a pub. Fish and chip shop. Good fish for central London, my friend tells me. Can't finish mine. Still feeling a bit sick with whatever Alison had. Talk about The Mercury Music Prize and it's arrogant winners. Talk about holidays, families, children, parents, ill grandmother, marriage, tax, David Cameron. Pay for our meal, the price we pay doesn't match the prices on the wall. Get a VAT receipt, claim back every pound spent. Walk further into Soho. Pubs crammed, drinkers on the street. Recognise this area from last evening of drinking with friend. Drunker then. Not drinking much this week. Still feeling sick with whatever Alison had. Find a pub, not too full, strange sign behind the bar - "Where locals come to be insulted". David Beckham's football camp letters on the wall. Gary Neville is his friend, it says here. Talk about the past, where we've come from, old friends, people we have and haven't seen in a long time. Miss the Wirral - why did everyone move away? Uni, jobs, families. Talk about the future. Need a reunion, but life moves on. People busy - jobs, families, children. How permanent are friends? Who will we maintain contact with? See again? People left behind when we move on, replaced by new friends where we arrive. Comparison to an author from the industrial revolution whose name I forget. I don't know much about literature, and my literary journalist friend knows little about tax. Talk about people we just seem to click with, teenage friends. An unspoken understanding. Raised on Nirvana and Harry Enfield, but surely there's more to it than that... Cider too fizzy. Can't finish it. Still feeling sick with whatever Alison had. Time to move on. Leave the pub. Alison calls. My life intruding into the pause we had taken to examine ourselves. Part company. Friend goes home to review things - CDs and books I guess. Promise to meet again soon. Hug, not weird after 17 years of friendship. Walk to Picadilly Circus. Tourists, adverts, statues. An Angus Steak House on every corner. Friends in TGI Fridays. Back to the here and now.

Sunday. Alison's birthday. Present didn't arrive yesterday, Amazon to blame. Early start, Beth hungry at twenty past seven. Warm milk to drink, sat between us in our bed. Porridge, shower, no time for a shave, friend picks me up, drives me to church. Just gone nine. Guitar, tune up. Amplifier, check levels, rest of the band arrives. Practise practise practise practise pray play worship God. Lead guitar on a ten year old song, can anyone even hear me? Service over, hurry home, twenty seven baked potatoes in the oven. Guests late. Friend from church arrives first. Three children. Mother-in-law next. Then more and more and more. New neighbours, old friends. House full. Garden full. Where is the rain? Food for everyone, kids run riot outside. Pudding. More guests. Babies everywhere. Beer, wine. Football lost on the roof. Friend from church's daughter needs the toilet, demands my accompaniment for some reason, friend from church only too happy to have someone else do their dirty work. Potty, poop, good-grief-open-a-window. When in my life did it became normal to wipe a friend's child's bottom? Return child to parent. "This is the second time I've done that, once more and you'll owe me a beer." Only half serious. Rain sets in. Tidy toys away. Kids locked inside, stir crazy. Time to go, leave our house in peace. Tidy up, black bin liner, dishwasher, cup of tea. Rest, reflect.

In my teenage years, I cleared up after drunk vomiting friends at parties. In my twenties, I'm clearing up after my friend's pooping child. I guess life is different, but it stays the same too.

I'll get to heaven (through the sinners door)

nospam@example.com (admin) — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 19:59:53 +0100

I’m often quite uncomfortable talking to Christians. So I wasn’t terribly happy to find myself sandwiched between a few of them at a wedding reception I was at on Saturday. They sat there talking across me about their passion for the lost, and all the things God was doing in their lives… And I sat there wishing that I could be anywhere but there, or at the very least that I could have considerably more wine inside me. Eventually the food was served, and the conversation shifted to topics that I was more suited to - viagra jokes for example. Nice.

I ate well, and had a few more drinks, and the dancing began. I had a few dances with a few pretty ladies, and in between dances I ranted at a girl that I presumptuously refer to as my best friend even though I’ve made little to no effort to keep in touch with her of late. I moaned and complained about life, and all the problems I’m facing, and how I don’t understand what’s really going on. She said that Alison and I should pray about it, and rely on God for guidance and support. Christians, huh? So predictable.

I’ve not made any concerted effort to read the Bible since I moved house in August. I’ve not prayed in a much longer time than that. I’ve given up on believing that my faith has any perceptible impact on my life. I’ve gone on going to church out of habit, kept saying the right things to stay in the Christian conversations, and just got on with my life in the meantime. I’ve been content to believe that I’ll get to heaven in the end, if only on the technicality that I believe in God and believe that Jesus came to save us, even if that means nothing for me in my daily life. God will be obliged to let me in, because I’ve just barely fulfilled the requirements. And while Jesus may indeed have said “In my Father’s house are many rooms” I’ve come to accept that I’ll end up in the garden shed. Heaven, but only just.

So, after a few more dances at the reception, it was getting towards time for the beautiful, happy couple to leave. I got a lift back to the station from my friend’s boyfriend’s twin brother’s fiancee, with everyone in between. A 20 minute car journey with 4 enthusiastic Christians. Thankfully, we talked about sport and Dirty Dancing. Hardly my two specialist subjects, but certainly more comfortable topics than might have come up.

I headed back to my friend’s flat where I was staying the night. We chatted, ate a pizza and played on his flatmate’s Nintendo Wii. We didn’t get to sleep till gone two.

The next morning, as we were having breakfast, the aforementioned flatmate asked what we had been up to the night before. We told him that I had been to a wedding. “Oh,” he said, “any nice bridesmaids there?”. Had my brain worked quicker, I would have replied with “Yes, but not as nice as there were when I got married.” Sadly I didn’t come up with that witty riposte until about 12 hours later. My friend bailed me out, telling him that I was in fact married with a child. “God almighty” came the reply.

A few hours later, as I sat on the train back up North, I thought to myself - “God almighty indeed.” He is largely responsible for my getting married to Alison, convincing us that it was the right thing to do. He then followed up with the whole unexpected baby debacle (pronounced deh-backal, as per John Cusack in High Fidelity) and the associated drama of finding a new house and a new job in a new part of the country. Thanks God.

No, really, thanks God. Thanks for ensuring that my life isn’t boring. For keeping me on my toes. For giving me things to live for. For giving me a wife and daughter to look after and love. For putting me in the right job, providing me with a great house, and a supportive church to go to.

I realise now that while I’ve been struggling on, battling through life, God has been there, in the background, helping me out. I’ve left him out of my plans, and tried to do things in my own strength, abandoning him, giving up on prayer and the Bible, but God has stayed with me, helping me along even though I was doing my best to ignore him. He helped me to get a degree and a wife in practically the same breath. He has helped and is still helping Alison through our first few years of marriage. He has brought beautiful baby Beth to us, safe and healthy, and more amazing every day. He saw to it that I would get the right job, even though my first interview was such a disaster that after it finished I called Alison to say that “It was a disaster. It will be an act of God if I get that job.” I didn’t mean it at the time - it was an off the cuff remark, but I was right. I didn’t deserve that job in any way based on that interview, and I can’t believe that anything I said or did got me through to the next round.

A couple of hours later, my train arrived at Wigan station, and I met Alison and Beth and we went home. We put Beth to bed and had the evening together. Before bed, I said to Alison that we should pray together. She was surprised to say the least. That’s really not the sort of thing I say. So we prayed and went to sleep. This evening we read our Bible’s and then prayed. Tomorrow we will do the same. And perhaps if I make the effort with God, He will come closer, and speak to me again.

I’ve spent too long trying to be too passive in my faith. I’ve believed that it can be just a habit, that I can be a Christian without having to do anything about it. I’ve expected God to keep speaking to me, while ignoring his instructions to sort bits of my life out. I’ve thought I could get by without praying, or reading the Bible, or making any effort to follow God’s plans. I was, to say the least, wrong. So it’s time to pull my finger out, and do all the things I should have been doing all this time. Praying, reading the Bible, talking about my faith… It begins now.

I’m not fixed yet, but I’m surer than I’ve been in a long time that I’ll get there.

I'll buy your nick-nack, just check my feedback.

nospam@example.com (admin) — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 21:27:22 +0000

I have given up buying and selling on ebay (click the link - it's funnay) for lent. Fairly easy so far, sure to get harder in a couple of days now that I've got my spending money for the month.

Alison has given up caffeine, which means no coffee or chocolate. I'm not sure I could do that, especially as I'm sleeping terribly at the moment, and need all the help I can get at the moment.

I've also given up drinking, for the second time in my life. Not one of those "Oh, I'm never drinking again" things that happen when you're brutally hungover, though I was brutally hungover when I decided to quit. I got hideously drunk last time I was in London, lost an hour or so of the evening (how did I get back to my hotel?), was sick, and woke up feeling ill as anything. So, I've given up again. This might be permanent. We'll see. I've kinda just got fed up of drinking... I don't think it makes me any funnier, and I get all loud and sweary and rude... It doesn't really help much. So, that's off the agenda for now. I'm not averse to going out for drinks with anyone who cares to go out sometime, but I'll be on the J2O's.

In other news...

I led worship at our cell group the other night. It's the first time I've done it in forever. I've not even played my guitar since we moved house and that was 6 months ago. It was good to do it again. I'd not forgotten how to play, so that was a good start! It was weird doing it again after so long, but it kinda felt right, like it's something I'm maybe meant to do. It felt... comfortable, in a way, and familiar, and I wasn't nervous about singing in front of a room of people or about how I was playing. It was like it was me and God, and the other people were a bit peripheral, sort of, though obviously they're pretty integral to it being actual worship leading. It was good, because I've been feeling really distant from God for I don't know how long, and like I'm not doing anything for him, and that while I believe, it doesn't really mean anything for how I live. It's hardly a huge step towards sorting stuff out, but it was good to at least feel like I was in the same room as God, doing something for him.

So, I'd quite like to do that again. Partly because it made me feel close to God, and partly because I'd like to actually be doing something for him again.

Right. That's enough for now. Catch you later.

Did I make me up, or make the face till it stuck? I do the best imitation of myself.

nospam@example.com (admin) — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 23:50:13 +0000

Right... Now some serious thoughts about some drunken nights out...

Last Tuesday I went out with my old friend Mike Haydock, who I've known since I was 8 or something, but not seen for about 3 years or something stupid. We kinda lost touch a bit before uni, and managed to drift a lot even though we both went to Durham. So, while I have known him longer and better than anyone I am not actually related to by blood, I haven't seen him in some time. Fortunately the wonders of modern technology allow us to keep in touch through our blogs, so we've gotten back in touch of late.

Anyway... We met up and went for noodles at a restaurant in Soho, which were delicious, and enjoyed by all, even if I gave up on trying to use the chopsticks approximately 0.3 seconds after picking them up. Never mind! After that we pottered through Soho and found a great pub called the glasshouse, which was utterly surrounded by the establishments for which Soho is most famous. Dodgy... The pub was nice though. And so, we sat and drank and talked until chucking out time. We talked about life and what's going on and jobs and houses and wives and girlfriends (not frickin' wags, for goodness sake, stupid OED - and here I want to link to a story about the Oxford Dictionary adding the acronym WAG, but can only find a story at the Daily Mail, and will not sully my page with a link to that rag... but I digress) and my baby and his sister's impending baby and old friends and new friends and music and... possibly a whole load of other stuff, but my memory is hazy. I recall Mr Haydock decrying Strictly Come Dancing as rubbish (he is wrong) and Jo Whiley definitely appeared in conversation, though I have no idea in what context. So there you go. All in all we had a great time, and I once again found it very reassuring to catch up with someone who I know so well and who knows me so well. Great to see he's still the same guy I remember, even down to saying words that no one outside our circle of friends from all those years ago would even really understand... Great days.

And so, to Thursday... Thursday night was in honour of the birthdays of the venerable Katie and Kevin, friends of mine from my tax course. We went to a bar called Babble and proceeded to drink and dance and do all the other things that people do in bars, which is to say we talked about the pros and cons of breasts (generally speaking, we are for them) and set fire to highly alcoholic drinks in our mouths. As one does. I drank a lot, quite probably more than I have ever drunk in one night before, yet managed to stay with it somehow. Goodness only knows how to be honest... I drank Long Island Iced Tea like it was going out of fashion. We left about midnight, which was the right time, as one of our fellow revellers proceeded to be sick on the floor. I'd say it was outrageous, had I not done many and various worse things in my less than sensible youth. Ho hum. So, that was a pretty crazy night all told.

And now, the musy emo part of the post... Those with an aversion to such things, look away now...

I get quite fed up with myself from time to time, because I feel like I'm trying to be someone I'm not. It is painfully obvious to me, looking back, that with Mikey I could just be myself and get on with things, but with the folk on the other night I was kinda acting.

I find myself trying to show off particular traits, which are invariably much less prominent in me than I'm making out. I fit myself around the people I'm with, and act up to fit in. I overplay my andogyny to appear less threatening to the laydeez so I can be friends with them, then overplay it with the guys so they can gently mock me for being gay and all the rest of it, and I try to be funnier than I am, and cruder than I really ought to be, and I try too hard to be quirky, and I show off my mental arithmetic when I really don't need to... It's silly, because I am all of those things (androgynous, funny, crude, quirky, good at mental arithmetic) but I end up forcing it and it feels a bit like I'm playing myself in some kind of idiotic sitcom.

Now, as I said earlier, this is all emo teenage whining and worrying, but this is a blog and you get what you pay for, so to speak. It just bugs me that I'm 24 and still pretending about who I am to some people. I know pretty much everyone does it, but that doesn't make it right, and I really wish I didn't have to do it. I guess it comes out of worrying that people won't like you, but that's just silly, because most decent people won't really care, and besides - I like to think I'm unfettered by the opinions of others. Nice try, I guess.
And, by way of a vastly understated coda, it's worth noting that the bit of me that gets underplayed with nigh on everyone is my Christianity. Damnit.

So, there you go. Here's the full lyrics to the Ben Fold's Five song from which the post title is taken. It says it all very well really.

The Best Imitation of Myself - Ben Fold's Five

I feel like a quote out of context, withholding the rest
So I can be for you what you wanna see.
I got the gestures and sounds, got the timing down,
It's uncanny, yeah you'd think it was me.
Do you think I should take a class, to lose my Southern accent?
Did I make me up, or fit the face till it stuck?
I do the best imitation of myself.

The "problem with you" speech you gave me was fine,
I liked the theories about my little stage.
And I swear I was listening, but I started drifting,
Around the part about me acting my age.
Now if it's all the same, I've people to entertain...
I'll juggle one handed, do some magic tricks and
The best imitation of myself.

Maybe I'm thinking myself in a hole,
Wondering who I am when I ought to know
Straighten up now time to go
Fool somebody else... Fool somebody else

Last night I was east within, and west within
Trying to be for you what you wanna see
But I can't help it with you, the good and bad comes through
Don't want you hanging out with noone but me
Now if it's all the same, it comes from the same place.
And if my mind's somewhere else, you won't be able to tell
I do the best imitation of myself.

Yes it's uncanny to see
You'd really think it was me
The best imitation of myself
The best imitation of myself

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here... all my life. Good night.

If I could live my life again, I'd influence a lot more friends

nospam@example.com (admin) — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 22:18:55 +0100

I'm at home on a Monday night... It seems awfully strange after the past month of training away in London and Cambridge. It's over at last! I'm very glad to be home and able to spend some time with Ali and Beth. Good stuff. I'm finally in the office this week, and will actually be getting down to work on Wednesday when my inductions get finished. I'll let you know how it goes...

The second week in Cambridge was pretty good. The workload was slightly lower and the days slightly shorter which was a mercy. We were learning all about capital allowances, which I can't imagine you will want to read about, but which I have linked you to anyway. It's been pretty interesting, and certainly worth the time being as it's something we'll actually be doing in the office. The week was also helped along by the addition of "compulsary fun" which was an afternoon off work to do something a bit more exciting. I chose to go punting, which was good fun, but is a lot harder than it looks. We also had the usual assortment of evenings in the bar and playing pool and the like, though I did catch a bit of flak for putting on Leave by R.E.M. on the jukebox, in all it's seven minutes of siren blaring glory. Rock on. The stay in Cambridge also gave me a chance to see my cousin and her husband, who are expecting a baby pretty much any second now, which is pretty exciting.

I've been doing my best to make some new friends while I've been away in London and Cambridge. I'm not always very good at making friends. I certainly failed to make much a terribly concerted effort at uni, as the few uni lurkers reading this will likely attest, and as such didn't make a vast number of friends there, which was kinda unfortunate. I had something of an epiphany, silly though it is, after writing my recent post about how nice it is to have old friends, when I realised that - duh - it's hard to get any old friends unless at some point you make some new ones. Put in the context of the lyric I used at the time, I can't very well attain the precious few friends to whom I should hold on, unless I'm prepared to have some who come and go. So, I've been making more of an effort and trying to get to know people and have fun with them and so on. It's been going pretty well really, which is good. I've been getting to know lots of people from the tax course, in particular the people who I was staying in a hotel with in London. We're from all over the place, so it's kinda weird to be back in my office in Manchester and not be seeing my friends from Southampton or Leeds. It'll be good to see everyone again in 3 weeks when we're next down in London for training. So, I'm making some new friends... which is nice.

In related news, I've managed to get along to the church that Ali has found for it. It's called Christ Church Pennington and it's in one of the adjacent villages. They describe themselves as an evangelical Anglican church, which is pretty much exactly what we're after. We had a pretty good example of that crossover just this Sunday gone - the very Anglican baptising of two babies, coupled with a very spirited sermon from Matthew 25:31-46 about the sheep and the goats, complete with discussion of heaven and hell and so forth. Quite a departure from the usual Church of England baby dunking. So, there we go. Alison has got stuck in to taking Beth along to Mums And Tots and to a thing they put on called Tiny Church. It's good that she's getting to meet some other mums and so on. We definitely need that.

Beth is not well at the moment I came back from Cambridge with a cold last week and apparently gave it to her. She's all bunged up and full of catarrh which is not much fun for her. It makes feeding something of a nightmare, and she spends a lot of her time screaming which gets old pretty fast. She's had a bit of a temperature as well. Ali has got some Karvol, which smells like being ill in my memory, and some stuff which is like Vicks, but gentler. Hopefully Beth will get better soon.

And now... I need to go and feed her. I'll write more another day... always so much more to write! Bye for now.

I don't live to work, I work to live, and live at the weekends.

nospam@example.com (admin) — Sun, 03 Sep 2006 22:15:17 +0100

Well, so far work is pretty good. I had my induction in Manchester on Thursday, which went well. We had various talks about the firm and the job and the different streams (audit, tax, business restructuring) that people are doing. It was also a good time to meet everyone and start getting to know people. At the end of the day we all got the train down to London, and headed off to the Hilton, no less, for the night. It was, to say the least, quite flash. My room had two queen sized beds, which is about 4 times more bed than I need. Still, I wasn't about to ask to be moved to the nearest Travelodge! We went out for dinner at a random Italian restaurant (located above some suspicious looking night club with an ominous sign stating "Minimum spend per person: £44") which was fairly nice, and I wowed everyone with my maths skills by dividing the bill in my head. Which was fun. We headed off to a pub for a drink then all crashed back to the hotel.

The next day started with breakfast, as it should, but this was no ordinary breakfast! This was Hilton hotel breakfast, which means you can have just about anything you can think of for breakfast. I went for Danish pastries, yoghurt and cereal. Quality. After that the real business of the day began with our full on induction. We had more talks about the firm, and this time also had specific talks about the training for our particular stream. For me, that meant 3 hours or so of being told about the tax training, which sounds pretty tough really! We shall see. We had a fancy lunch, and at the end of the day headed off to "the BDO pub" as it is apparently known, being as it is round the corner from BDO's main offices. Drinks were free, which was handy as I had no cash on me at that point. After a pint some of us headed off for the train back to Manchester. I finally got home at ten, in time to feed Beth before bed. So that was that.

So, jobwise things look good so far. All the people are nice, and the job looks hard but interesting, so that's good. No fears realised just yet.

This weekend has been good, but busy. I've been doing some of my homework ahead of time (keen!) so that the coming weeks are slightly less stressful. We tried out a new church this morning, which was a bit of an experience for one reason and another. Some bits of it were a bit on the Adrian Plass side, for those of you who have a clue what that might mean. We'll try a few more places and then see what we find. This evening has been a bit mad what with getting everything packed up for the coming week in London, which is not helped by the fact that I have to get up at half six and drive to Stockport to get the train on time. Fun stuff.

Ali and Beth are doing OK, though I do feel a bit bad leaving them behind on their own. Ali should cope, but I know it's an awful lot easier when there's another person round. Hopefully some people can visit her or she can visit them or something (hint hint). Beth is doing well. She's getting really heavy now! We're trying to teach her about hand eye co-ordination by attaching one of the cats rattly toys to her wrist with one of Ali's hair elastics, but she's not really getting it yet. Oh well.

Last but not least... my mum bought me the best card:

And no, that doesn't mean I've stopped playing computer games! See you all later.

Oh my God, I can't believe it!

nospam@example.com (admin) — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 15:43:05 +0000

Question: What is it that Christians had, Jews have and Muslims want?
Answer: Special protection under the law.

Recently there's been all kinds of furore over various people insulting Christians, Jews and Muslims in various ways. There's been varying degrees of protest and backlash to the incidents and a lot of ideas have been thrown around. I find myself rather confused by the various arguments, as many of them seem rather contradictory, so I thought I'd write a bit about it and see if anyone else has a view on these things.

Let's start with the Muslims. We've probably all read or heard about the Muslim cartoon controversy. Long story short, a Danish newspaper (and subsequently newspapers all over the world) printed cartoons depicting the prophet Muhammad; including some more provocative ones with bombs and such like; and soon after, the Muslim world got quite angry about it. Cue protests, including some fairly ironic ones with threats of bombings, murders and so on. Various leaders said that it was utterly unacceptable for such things to be published, as they were against Islamic law and were offensive. Those responsible for publishing the cartoons argued that they were merely exercising their right to free speech.

So who's right? I'm inclined to say that the newspapers and magazines were well within their rights to publish the cartoons. They were satirical, and some did make valid points about such things as the disparity between peaceful Islam and the wing that blows people up and flies planes into buildings. Yes, they were offensive, but that's not a crime, is it? It's also not an issue of libel, as it's not possible to libel a religion or similar institution. The only point at which it can be seen as an issue of law is that in Islam, it's forbidden to depict the prophet. Yet the Danes and the French and all the rest of them are not bound by Islamic law, so how can they be held culpable under it? Islam can't expect to accuse people of crimes that are not recognised in the state where they took place.

Now, one thing the Islamic leaders complained about which did carry some credence, was that there were double standards at work. After all, Jews are protected by laws prohibiting anti-Semitism and some countries in Europe go as far as to make it illegal to question the severity or occurence of the holocaust during the Second World War. Why should it be OK to publish cartoons criticising or even mocking Islam, when it's forbidden to question war crimes committed against the Jews?

As if to illustrate this, David Irving was promptly sentenced to 3 years imprisonment in Austria for holocaust denial, in this case during a speech he made about 20 years ago. Is that right? Should a man be jailed for questioning a historical event? History is based around the interpretation of sources pertaining to a given incident. It is inevitable that a historian's interpretations will be biased to some degree by their own personal views, and it is pretty obvious that Irving's views are somewhat coloured (pun intended) by his racist beliefs. His historical research does not hold up to much scrutiny, and is not well respected by more credible historians. However, while his work may be fairly crummy, it's surely not actually illegal to be a bad historian. Now of course we know it's not illegal, but in the case of the holocaust it is. You could pick any other event in history and produce any crackpot theory you liked about it, and you would simply be denounced as inept and biased, but you wouldn't face jail for it.

Holocaust denial is a crime in various countries in Europe, and also in Israel. The laws have been instated on the basis that it is important that the terrible events be remembered in the hope that this will prevent such things from happening again. After all, if it is an accepted fact that 6 million Jews died because of a fascist regime in Germany, we will all remember to be wary of similarly totalitarean governments in the future, right? Now, this makes sense, but it irks me that we need it put into law. The holocaust is accepted as fact as it is, without any laws about it. We have plenty of evidence for it, not least testimony admitting to it in war crimes trials after WW2 finished. Historians agree that it occurred and that it was a horrendous crime against the Jews and against humanity. Why should we need the government to make it so? If you'll allow me a bit of hyperbole, it's a bit too close to the historical revisionism that takes place in Orwell's 1984, with unwanted pieces of history disappearing down the memory hole, and only the government's version of history being accepted. It is not the government's place to stipulate what is accepted as historical fact - it is the job of historians.

Lastly, we come to the Christians. Recently there was a big fuss over the government's proposed laws regarding Incitement To Religious Hatred, as part of the Serious Organised Crime and Police bill. Many Christians were against this, on the basis that it would limit free speech and prevent them from criticising other religions. That's all well and good, and the bill was a threat to that, so it's probably a good job that it didn't get through. On the flipside, at about the same time, lots of Christians were making a big fuss about the now infamous Jerry Springer Opera, claiming it was blasphemous, protesting against the BBC, and so on. It appears Christians want to be able to criticise other religions, but don't want someone to produce a silly opera about theirs.

Now, obviously the difference between the two situations is that in one situation a religion is being criticised, whereas in the other it is being mocked and blasphemed. The problem is in discerning quite where this line lies. A Christian promoting their faith is, by implication, criticising all other religions and stating that they are untrue. Now, to say that Allah is not God, and that Mohammed is not his prophet, probably qualifies as blasphemy in Islam, right? Likewise, portraying God and Jesus as anything but perfect in the Opera, is also pretty blasphemous from a Christian point of view, yeah? One is OK, the other is not.

The problem, as far as I can tell, is in the blasphemy law, and the application of it. The law is archaic to say the least, having been part of Canon Law, the law of the church. It has stuck around as common law since the 17th Century, and is still part of our laws today, although it is worth noting that the last time anyone was even arrested for blasphemy was 1925. These days our country is extremely secular, very mixed, thoroughly postmodern and generally not very Christian. However, Christians seem to want to cling on to the blasphemy law, and cling on to times past when the Church was the governing authority. This is no longer the case, and it is somewhat absurd to try to hold Christianity in some sort of privileged position and protect it in this way. Christians can not expect the protection of the law from criticism, mockery or blasphemy. They certainly can't expect such protection and then wish to deny other religions the same thing.

As an aside, I also find it a bit odd that we think it unacceptable that we suffer any form of persecution, even something as comparably minor as a puerile opera with tangential connections to our religion, that was obviously only out to get a knee-jerk reaction. Christianity was born out of persecution. Christ was beaten, whipped, scorned, spat on, and nailed to a cross. Paul and his cohorts were frequently imprisoned, and several were killed. The early church was subject to such horrors as being fed to the lions, and being wrapped in wax and set alight as candles, by certain deranged emperors. These days Christians in the Middle East and China and other far flung places are victims of violence, imprisonment and death. And here we are worrying about the effects of this opera. It leaves something of a bad taste in my mouth to be honest.

As far as I can tell, blasphemy laws simply can not work in anything but a theocracy, which is not something we find ourselves in. It is absurd to try to protect the Gods of umpteen religions, when most of them explicitly denounce all the others. It's also a very difficult area to legislate on, as one man's criticism is another man's blasphemy and so on. Who decides what is and what isn't offensive? The system is also very much open to abuse, as if all are to be protected, then it can't be too difficult to demand protection for patently ludicrous ideas. Is the Flying Spaghetti Monster to be protected? Will the Pastafarians sue everyone for saying that their God doesn't exist, and that they were in fact not touched by his noodly appendage?

I should probably come to a conclusion on all of this, as it's taken me weeks to write as it is...

As a Christian, I would actually quite like to live in a Christian theocracy. All our laws would be well established, and we would know exactly where we stood on everything. We could all agree that the laws were good, and we could get on with obeying them and living happily. The trouble is, such a thing is not possible when we are all so mixed and varied. My office alone contains people of 3, or arguably even 4 different religions, and there's only 4 of us in the room. The situation is irreconcilable, short of setting in stone what people are to believe. With that in mind, I think it's fair to say that blasphemy laws, and any other laws seeking to write religion into the system are doomed to failure. Abolish them, and move on. I'm a big proponent of the separation of church and state, and I think this is just one more situation that would be helped by it.

It irks me, that we as Christians are seeking the protection of the legal system where no crime besides the defamation of our religion is taking place. Are we saying that our God is unable to defend his own honour? That our conduct will not speak highly enough of our religion to garner respect? I'm inclined to believe that the reason the opera, and similar things, targeted the Christian faith, is that we are seen as irrelevant, or an easy target. What I don't understand, is how our crying to the law is supposed to change that. All it does is make us appear whiny and irrelevant, while all the time providing further publicity for the stupid opera, or whatever, that started it all. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't protest against this sort of thing, or at the very least declare it as defamatory and wrong, but we can't hope to seek legal protection for something that most people in the country don't believe. That's not going to make our religion appear any more credible. I doubt the early church expected to make their case based on their standing with the law. The law was out to get them! They earned respect through their lifestyle and their good deeds. I think the church here could do to remember that.

I wish it could be Christmas every day...

nospam@example.com (admin) — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 23:41:12 +0000

Of course, I don't really, but my penchant for using song lyrics as blog posts is too powerful to override, even in the interests of good musical taste and simple common sense.

Just a quick post to say that I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Here's a bullet pointed summary of mine:

Church on Christmas day was great, though a tad cramped as we had to meet in someone's front room! Still, a good service, and a good chance to celebrate the real business behind Christmas.

Bacon and egg sandwiches for Christmas lunch. Get in. We did, of course, have a proper roast for Christmas tea.

Visiting friends from church on Christmas day and boxing day and chilling. Nice.

Having the in laws round in the latter part of the week, including a full scale invasion of our house yesterday by both of our families including my grandma. We had a buffet type lunch and a good catch up and did all the present exchanging stuff and whatnot.

Present wise I got, among other things, a power drill (MORE POWER! ARR ARR ARR!), a digibox, some trousers and more biscuits than I can be bothered to count. I can only assume from the latter that my reputation as a biscuit dunking fanatic is well established.

We went out for a bit of sale shopping today and got a food processor worth £100 for £45. Now, obviously I have little to no idea why we need a food processor when we already have a food mixer, two things which I shall refer to as blenders as I can't think of any other names for them, and two juicers which I can only reliably tell apart because I know that one is only for citrus fruit. I imagine this is much the same situation Alison finds herself in when she is forced to consider that I have two computers running four different operating systems, and have a drawer full of miscellaneous computer parts just waiting to be put to use. Still, as far as the food processor goes I'm sure there'll be some nice food in it for me, so it's all good.

Finally, we have no plans for New Year, and may well end up staying in and entertaining ourselves.

That's about it really. Best get off the 'net now. Cursed dial up and it's pennies per minute.

Life is hard, and so am I

nospam@example.com (admin) — Sun, 23 Oct 2005 09:54:15 +0100

Life is mental at the moment. There's loads going on and the future is looking a bit crazy. I don't know quite how I'll get through it all, but I'm sure I'll figure something out. I usually do.

Sorry for the vagueness. I'll explain when things are a bit clearer.

Those of you who believe in God, pray for me and Alison.

Paper

nospam@example.com (admin) — Mon, 12 Sep 2005 11:16:27 +0100

Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. We've been married for a year now. We went out for a meal at an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant in the evening, which was pretty good. We dispensed with tradition and didn't get each other presents made of paper - I got Alison a pasta spoon and some tongs, and she got me an adjustable spanner. And they said romance was dead!

So... a year of marriage. It's been pretty cool all told. We're settling in OK and things are going well. I think I'm a better person for being married too, so that's definitely a good thing.

While we're on the subject of marriage, my dad sent me the tape of the sermon I gave on marriage the other week. You can download an mp3 of it here if you want. It's not terribly good quality, though that is because it's gone from a radio mic to analogue tape to my PC to a low bitrate mp3, but it should be good enough. Just don't laugh at my voice. I'll cry. Or something. Oh yeah, and the reading for the sermon is Ecclesiastes 4:7-12, which it's probably worth reading if you want to understand some of what I'm going on about. Enjoy.

Holiday

nospam@example.com (admin) — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 23:03:48 +0100

I'm back from my brief holiday. I've been away for 5 days at the Soul Survivor festival. A large chunk of my readers will already know that Soul Survivor is probably the biggest Christian festival in the UK.

We were away for a week, camping in a field near Shepton Mallet. We had a great time living in our tents and cooking together. The weather was pretty good, though it did chuck it down yesterday when we were packing up, which was a pain in the neck! There were big worship meetings, seminars on Bible teaching and various other things, gigs and loads of other things from football competitions to the skate park. We all had a great time, and everyone got lots out of it, getting closer to God and learning new things.

It's pretty cool for me going to Soul Survivor, because it's like the 7th time I've been or something. I've really seen it grow and develop, and they're going from strength to strength really. It's great to see so many young people really excited about God and keen to learn. It's cool. It does make me feel a bit old when I think of the past years I've come, with different people. I remember the days when the main meetings were in the cowshed and the campsite didn't extend anywhere near as far as it does now... My, how's it's grown.

So, anyway, that was cool. I'm home now and back at work. I'm just on the 'net briefly at home to e-mail my dad the draft of a sermon that I'm giving at his church on Sunday. Exciting stuff! It's about the importance of God in the marriage relationship - quite a challenging topic to speak on when I'm only a year into my marriage. I'll let you know how that one goes. Heck, if you're very lucky I'll get a recording of the sermon, turn it into a low bitrate mp3 and you can all listen to me preach. How exciting.